


What Makes a Fam(ily)

by subducting



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Other, Post-Spyfall, angst with a hint of thasmin, its thasmin ever so slightly, post Spyfall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22245346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subducting/pseuds/subducting
Summary: The Doctor falls asleep at the console and has a bad dream. Luckily her fam are on-hand to comfort her.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 114





	What Makes a Fam(ily)

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Spyfall/Season 12

_ “Call me by my name…” _

_ The Doctor’s hearts threatened to pound from her chest as the echo chased her down. She was in the TARDIS, but the corridors felt strange, and she couldn’t feel her comforting presence- only sticky black emptiness where warmth and safety should have rested. And every corner she turned, breaths shallow and frenzied, his grin flicked out of sight, taunting her. Her legs stopped working and she was brought to her knees with a frightened yelp. She was in the Kasavan’s home, she was watching London burn, she was home, and she watched helplessly as the Master rained nuclear fire on the citadel and screamed until her throat might burst. _

“Doc!”

She shot bolt upright, nearly colliding with Graham’s forehead as her body jerked forwards, almost outside of her control. Every limb seemed to want to do something different and she fell forwards with a ragged shout of pain and terror, limbs twitching with the dual need to run and to compact, as if she was a star on the very edge of collapse, gravity warring with radiation. Her fingers clenched and she drew in sharp breaths through her teeth, hearts racing. Dimly she was aware of a nervous gaggle of sounds surrounding her- Graham speaking urgently to her, but the words barely connected, Yaz muttering something in frustration as she yanked open various compartments, Ryan not saying much but nearby, exchanging tense words with Graham.

Her head was going to burst- she screwed her eyes up and braced herself against the floor as the vision rose again in her head, screaming to be known but tearing her thoughts and mind to ribbons as it came. She thrust it away, gritting her teeth against the pain, until the TARDIS console room swam back into view.

Graham was still there, and Yaz’s face swam into view. She stood, words of denial on her tongue, chest heaving and delirious, but almost as soon as her legs got under her they collapsed. One or both of them caught her, supporting her under her arms as she crumpled like a limp rag doll, and she was gently returned to the floor. Yaz’s hand lingers momentarily on her shoulder, the dark eyed woman staring frantically at the timelord, as if she could pull her out of whatever dark place she had fallen into with the strength of her gaze. The doctor shook her head wordlessly, breaths still coming in sharp gasps, and she finally started to catch up to the words Yaz was saying.

“-tor… Doctor what happened? Are you okay??”

“‘M… ‘m fine,” she mumbled, limbs curling in on themselves as she finally started resolving the room properly. Her coat had somehow gotten around her- she pulled it closer, suddenly aware she was shivering violently, in spite of the TARDIS’ perfect temperature. She was huddled against the console- she must’ve fallen asleep, lulled late at night by the comforting readings of being in transit, out of space and time, somewhere where no-one could catch them. She had been leaping them about the universe even more than usual recently, almost without realising it. Trying to outrun tenacious ghosts, she supposed.

***

Yaz shuffled back on her knees, exchanging an anxious glance with Graham before flicking her eyes back to the Doctor, who was curled, shivering, under the TARDIS console. It was almost like a child hiding from monsters in a cupboard- she seemed to fit in the space so perfectly. She didn’t want to leave her but the Doctor was carefully avoiding their gazes now, after… whatever had just happened to her had passed. Ryan was raising his eyebrows meaningfully at Graham, and the old man sighed.

“Doc,” he began, softly, also kneeling down but staying a respectful distance from the time traveller. The blonde turned her eyes on him, expression drawn with what looked for all the world to be fear. “What…. What do you need?” asked Graham, his expression kind. The Doctor stared at him for a second, as if she was processing what he was asking. “I-” she started, but the word was cut off almost before she’d said it. Yaz had never wanted to give the woman a hug more, but she recognised the wild-eyed panic that still hadn’t totally faded from her eyes. “It’s okay, Doctor,” she murmured, and almost flinched when the intense, desperate gaze turned in her direction. She took a deep breath and spoke in the most soothing tone she could manage. “It’s okay, we’re safe. We’re all safe, we’re in the TARDIS. Nothing can hurt us in here, right?”

She wasn’t sure if she was saying the right things, but slowly the trembling stilled, and the Doctor seemed to loosen, ever so slightly. Gradually the usual glow of intelligence and life returned to her hazel eyes, although just barely. Ryan, who had vanished momentarily, returned with a steaming mug of tea. The Doctor watched him approach and a smile so old and sad crossed her face that for a moment it took Yaz’s breath away. She watched as the Doctor started to attempt to stand, gripping the TARDIS console for support as she did, before accepting the tea with an almost inaudible word of thanks and wobbling over to the steps, where she sunk back down, looking impossibly small for someone who was normally so much larger than life.

Yaz exchanged an anxious glance with Ryan and Graham, before wandering over, perching herself on the edge of the steps as far away from the Doctor as she could manage. “D’you want to be alone?” she asked, but the Doctor shook her head without looking at her, taking a long sip of tea instead. She sighed and appeared to melt, the tension easing somewhat from her spine. And as she sighed the TARDIS seemed to as well, and the entire console room seemed to stop holding it’s breath. Even Yaz felt less unnerved, and judging by the noises of relief coming from Ryan and Graham, they’d felt it too.

“Sorry, that was me,” The Doctor’s voice was devoid of any of it’s usual excitement and energy. She wore her body as if it exhausted her, turning slightly towards Yaz, and Ryan who had parked himself cross legged nearby. Graham was approaching with a chair- they had put them in the console room after complaints about his back. “What was you?” he asked, setting it down and plopping into it, leaning forwards so he could examine the Doctor with an expression of deepest concern.

“The tension,” she replied, after another sip of tea, glancing around the room before returning her focus to them. “Timelord dreams can get a bit… telepathic. The emotions can linger.”

“Must’ve been some dream,” Ryan said, then looked suddenly nervous, as if he’d stepped into forbidden territory. All three travellers turned their eyes warily towards their oft-crabby guide, but she didn’t look to be in a fighting mood today. She surrendered a half-hearted laugh as she laid her head back to stare at the ceiling was punctuated by tears starting in the corner of her eyes. “Oh, I didn’t want this,” she drawled slowly, voice bitter and self-admonishing. “I thought if I could- if I could just... “ she trailed off, still staring upwards and shaking her head.

“I have nightmares about ‘im too.”

Yaz’s voice was quiet as she wrapped her arm around the stairs, leaning her head on the posts holding the bannister. The Doctor’s gaze fell, slowly, onto her, expression wrinkled and eyes wet. “I- I feel like I’m trapped back there again. In that place an’- an’ I see him.” She wrapped her arms around her knees. “Mockin’ me.”

“Oh Yasmin Khan, I am so sorry,” breathed the Doctor, expression pained, “I never thought- I mean I- we-” she let out a shaky breath that was almost a sob as she hunched forwards, blonde curtains of hair shadowing her face as she shook her head. “He targeted you all because you were close to  _ me _ . I should never have put you in harm’s way. I should’ve known he’d find a way back to mess with me. I- I’ll never be rid of him.” The last sentence seemed to appear as a realisation, her eyebrows lifting with a shadow of a smile, a ghost of brevity and bravado that cooled on her face into something else. “I- I’m sorry to all of you. If…” she swallowed, seeming to speak past a physical lump in her throat. “I-If you want me to take you home, I-”

She didn’t get to the end of the sentence before a litany of protests sounded from Yaz, Ryan and Graham. “If we wanted to go home, we’d tell you,” Graham said firmly. “Yeah, we don’t wanna go back. But-” Ryan exchanged a look with his fellow travellers, before pressing on. “Why don’t you trust us? I mean, why d’you think we’d wanna leave just because something got tough?”

“Yeah,” added Yaz, still sounding muted but with her typical determination still present, “We’re your friends. Your _ real _ friends, not some awful maniac who wants you dead-” she stopped herself as the Doctor winced visibly, and she grimaced, “Sorry, I mean-”

“What she’s trying to say,” Graham hurriedly interrupted, “is that we’re here for you, Doc. Whatever it is he’s done to ya- whatever it is you’re going through… We’re here. We aint leaving you to it on your own. You can be grumpy and secretive all you like. Whatever’s gone on in your past, whatever history you have with this “Master”-” another twitch- “We’re gonna stick with ya. Whatever you’re hiding.”

The Doctor closed her eyes, expression pressing into one of extraordinary pain. “You…” she shook her head, no sound coming out as she gazed helplessly at them all, tears starting to escape the corners of her eyes. “You… beautiful, kind, naive people,” she sighed, lips turning up at the corners in the first genuine smile any of them had seen in weeks. “You have no idea what you’re promising,” she said, voice trembling, “You can’t… begin to imagine what you’re agreeing to. What you’re asking me to let you encounter. There are things… things out there and things-” she brought a trembling finger to her temple, “in here that I can’t prepare you for. And I don’t want to be the cause of your nightmares, or worse. You have to understand,” she was starting to sound a little like herself again, if only because of how earnest her plea was, how her hands, almost without her realising, had started speaking again, “I can’t- because then I- I’d lose you all…” she admitted the last plea with a facial shrug of tearful defeat, smiling but shaking.

“You don’t get a choice, Doctor,” Ryan said at length. “We’re not leaving you. You’re stuck with us whether you like it or not. That’s what a fam is.”  
  


***

  
The Doctor, finally, surrendered to the human’s insistence.  _ Oh, I am so selfish, and so stupid _ , she sighed, as she melted under their warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't super turn out how I wanted it to but oh well maybe I'll try a different version sometime. It just kinda ended in fluff although I guess still with undertones of Thirteen not talking about her feelings and feeling bad about like having someone actually care about her ever but, oh well.


End file.
